starting over.

so, i had this blog.

and then, i abandoned it.

but now, i think i'm going to bring it back.

see, i feel like something is changing; like something NEEDS to change.

i don't want to bitch and scream and cry anymore about the goddamned INJUSTICE of it all.

i want to DO SOMETHING about it.

i start a new job tomorrow morning. the first "real" job i've had in nearly three years. and that's gotten me thinking: about the person i was then. and the person i've become.

i feel like i've been absolutely BEATEN DOWN by life. i've felt like everything i've done since that day i lost my job has been NOT ENOUGH. i feel lazy, and useless, and a complete failure.

so, i drink too much, smoke too much, eat too much, and sit on my ass. and i feel bad about it, but i don't DO anything about it. well, okay. i try to get hired, but since nothing comes of that, i still feel like i'm doing nothing.

i'm FUCKING SICK OF IT.

sick and tired of feeling worthless and stupid. sick and tired of feeling helpless in my own skin. but most of all? i'm sick of whining and crying about it.

so? um...i don't know. but, i know i need to start somewhere. and it seems like having a way to sort out what i'm feeling, to look at what i'm going through, might be a good idea. it won't be literature, and it might not always be nice. but i'm going to try my best to make this a positive tool about the things that are good in my life.


so, here we go. let's see what happens.